Designated Driver

"We all like to think that we're in the driver's seat of our own lives. But the truth is, the idea that we can control our fate is an illusion. You can choose the most loyal friends, the dream job, the truest love. But at the end of the day, our fate is decided for us. All we can do is hope we have the strength to cope with the hand she deals us."- G.G.

Is our fate already decided? Is the universe mapped out? Has it always been like that?

Since the summer its been a thought of whether fate is real. In fact I think I've been thinking about it since well always. This time last year I was unemployed, confused, and had no idea of the situation that was going to occur. That one moment my faith and trust in people just went away.  It also led me on some downward spiral where I thought I had someone that I could genuinely care for cause they had my back. Yea no one really has anyone's back.

I wonder if I had to get my stuff stolen, to put me on a path to figure out I couldn't just sit on my ass and drink off the fact that my dream job wasn't working out. That trying to start my own company wasn't exactly what I needed at the time. I ended up getting calls to substitue and by July I was offered a full time position.

I love the faces I get when people hear I'm a teacher. Most people are surprised I'm trusted with children or have the patience. I guess my personality is to blame. But the fact that I'm here makes me question if fate has a role to play in all this. Did I have to go through days of rejection and disappointment to land here?

I guess I'm dealing with it now. I still haven't started my app for school, maybe I can't accept that I'm on a path to be a teacher. That I sit and stare at the 1 page of my screenplay and just ended up deleted it cause due to fate and what I was writing about I don't know if that's that story I want to tell. It depresses me so now I don't know if I should go along for the ride or become the designated driver and take over the wheel. I think fate is too drunk to take over things for me. I thought fate had my back and now I see him with someone else and have to hear his excuses on how it just happened (really adults shouldn't be saying it just happened to explain things smh).

So fate I think I'm going to challenge you. Yes I will work on my school app and I think I'm going back into my celtx files and get back on "Porcelain". And see which road fate is going to take me on. Of course I wont let it fully take over I think I just need that extra driver for the times I need to rest my eyes for a while. In the meantime I need to figure out how to get out of this traffic jam I'm in right now.