There's a Light

The sun was starting to go down on the desolate road. It was only appropriate for my car to break down. I heard my father's voice in my head all those times he would tell me to listen carefully to my car, weird sounds were never good, but no I had to be stubborn. I'm as hardheaded as they come, it's why I was in this mess and on this road in the first place. Leaning my head back, I had to think fast.

Smart phone, duh.

I looked at my phone, "fuck" just one bar. I attempted to make a call, but no luck it wouldn't go through. Phone's on 65, at least I had that. I did refrain from opening any network apps. It's easy for me to look at them and get lost in what other people post, but right now I needed to save my battery. I needed to save my car. Shit I needed to save me.

Of course count on me to get on a random road alone, to just become fed up and drive off. I looked at my phone no messages, nothing new I rarely get hit ups. Then again lets be somewhat hopeful, I barely have service.

"Faaaaacccckkkkkkkkk!!!" I screamed out loud, as I hit my steering wheel. I need to get it together. Breathe in, breathe out. I took my phone and opened Siri, "please tell me where I am", secretly hoping that he (yea Siri is a he, and with an Australian accent, don't ask why), would tell me.

"No answer, not enough reception, can't help you, out of order, not in service, fuck your life, fuck your decisions, deal with it, you assed out playa".

Is what my my phone should of said. I sighed, but no reception. Hitting the back of my head against the seat, it was time to think fast and make an executive decision. "Why the fuck did I leave the house?" Fucking anxiety, stays screwing with me. Everyone is hanging out having fun, I've known them for years but right away I ask "What do they see in me?" "Why was I invited?" "Why can't I just chill?". The 15year old in my mind freaking out causing me, a grown adult to just walk out, ignore the questions, hop in my car and drive off. Did I mention I'm slightly intoxicated? And now I'm stranded on a country road, the sun is going down and I'm alone.

Sitting in silence I took one last look at my phone, no messages, apps can't connect, can't make calls. 62% on my phone, sun is going down and I gotta make a move, I'm sure I can walk my way back to the house and tell the guys to help me. But would they? "Shit!" I'm sure I fucked up again, what else is new? Ok breathe in, breathe out. I take my keys, grab my phone and get out of the car. Sun is setting, I start to walk. No headphones, no music, just walking. I know my car is safe. I think it's safe, no it's safe. God it's getting dark, my phone has a flashlight. My heart is beating fast, my anxiety off the chain I know this isn't safe but what else could I do?

I walk alongside the road, where the fuck are we? Why are there no other cars? "UGHHHH!" I look at the sky, it's getting dark, I turn on my phone's light. I think I couldn't have gotten that far? But I wasn't all there. Why hasn't anyone hit me up? They don't miss me, I'm gone, dead to them. I keep walking. I look through the trees, and see smoke in the distance, I stop and stare at it. If I get off the road it can be dangerous. But there could be people, there could be a working phone, I have to pee, why did I have that beer? I feel myself walking towards it, and the closer I get I see the shape of a house, it's dark within the shadows of the trees and as I hope for life, I see it.

There's a light.



Painting: "There's a Light"
Work of fiction by me.

logging into the subway

Torture is being on the subway with no music synced on your phone. I try pandora and YouTube but it fails at certain spots, and face it is it worth the usage of data? Do I really want that text saying how much I used? Beware of that $15 charge if I over do it. I pull out my book, getting into the title I feel like as I enter the subway car "Ready Player One " appears over my head. I'm on a quest to get home, exhausted and done. Working with children during the day, listening to lectures in the evening, my brain is ready to shut off, but I have to complete one final quest: get home. Book in hand I stand by the door, no seat available and I have little will power to even fight for one. My head spins a bit but I place my focus on my book, becoming engaged, surprised I'm enjoying this more than I thought. A part of me wishes to have a place like OASIS to hide, be who I want to be without the past haunting me. Be a hero for a change, instead of a villain. Getting in deeper in my book, I get dragged out by a voice, a high pitched annoying one spitting out teenage banter. I shake my head and try to ignore it. More people get on, some get off, I move over to adjust. Chapter 31, damn I can't believe I'm almost done, what am I gonna read next? Am I ok with my goal this year? 15 books is a lot, maybe I can change it, thats cheating. No brain stay on task. A man sneezes, I cough. "Stand clear of closing doors" ugh how much longer? I check my phone, answer a text, LOL, but am I really laughing? I look out the window, back at my book. My focus is dimming, I put it away, stare out at the world. This experience isn't just my own, I see through the reflection, this moment I'm sharing with all of these people. Some look tired, others looking like they just starting their day. I don't know them, their stories, they don't know mine, but we are all sharing this moment. This train ride. Their noise has become my noise, it irritates me but I just let it sink in. My thoughts are on them, not my own, so I guess it is my OASIS, my way of getting out my real world and being a part of something more. 

socks

Socks are that thing that you're just meant to lose. It never fails I buy a new pack of socks and voila they just start missing and I gotta mix match and fml where did it go??

Now I don't care about mix matching socks, honestly don't. But then sometimes I look at the odd pair and just think ya shouldn't be together, it just doesn't work for me. Like why can't ya be the same and show some sort of order, why the matching sock had to mess things up or was it you? Be honest sock cause you alone now and I gotta make you chill with another sock, maybe it fucked up too and ya both can fuck up together because ya dont match and now I gotta stare at two un-matching socks that FUCK UP MY FLOW! I can't just look down at my feet and be like this is ok, no its not, its terrible and I can't think about anything else cause my fucking socks don't match. 

And as i'm breathing in and out and really look at the mess I've made, I stop and think what am I going off about? It's not so bad, i mean they seem to mesh well, and it's not like people can see they don't match, I gotta wear shoes over them. And if they see, who cares? They my socks, they are working together and doing what they gotta do to cover my feet. Sometimes two different socks can complement each other very well. Stripes and spots, greens with pinks. Maybe I'll find their original partners, maybe those two can work together, but for now I'm just breathing and wearing 2 different socks. 

I'm talking about socks, clearly. Socks. Ok. Just in case, socks.