My Terms

One night I had a dream, that my eye bracelet fell to pieces.  Tried to put it back together but couldn't.
Woke up scared and unsure.
That's when it started.
My bracelet is still whole but I've been sick since.

(meaning: To see a broken bracelet in your dream, suggests that you tend to sacrifice your own comfort and happiness for others.)

That day I found an old photo of who I use to be. 

All I wanted was one nice photo..and he wanted to make a gesture. ::SNAP:: the pic was taken with me trying to stop him. People said it summed us up and it was cute. I actually didn't like it much but kept it anyways. 


By the time the last pic of us was taken all that could be seen was contempt in my eyes and distance in his.



The person in the pic with me was once an everyday habit, now its just a far away memory.
Tears came to my eyes, cause an ounce felt like I missed it, then I said no more tears and put the picture back where I found it. 



Moving on was probably the smartest thing I could of ever done. For the first time I made a decision on my own terms, without putting someone else before me. Without thinking if that person is happy or not. Making sure I was taken cared of first....and it felt great.


Does that make me selfish? Or do I get a pass cause I was so selfless. Allowing myself to wait at train stations for an hour on cold winter nights making excuses for him, or having him leave me behind and say its ok I took too long anyways. Just thinking about it makes me sick. 


Back to the dream, maybe that's what it was for to remind me of who I was, and still is but now I'm just running things on my terms.