Gathering Material

“Writers, especially poets, are particularly prone to madness. There exists a striking association between creativity and manic depression. Why are more creative people prone to madness? They have more than average amounts of energies and abilities to see things in a fresh and original way—then because they also have depression, I think they’re more in touch with human suffering.” -Nick Flynn


 A few months ago I found an old book from my undergrad days. "Another Bullshit Night in Suck City" by Nick Flynn. At 18, a title like that obviously caught my eye, but unfortunately my attention span only lasted to the chapter I was mandated to read by my professor. It took me almost 10 years to come back to it and maybe thats how it was supposed to be. I don't think 18 year old me would of appreciated it as much, as I do now as an adult. 18 year old me didn't care about much unless it involved going out and sitting outside doing nothing. And now tonight I managed to find a copy of the movie version "Being Flynn", starring Robert DeNiro and Paul Dano (I didn't know there was a movie til way after I finished reading it).

For those unfamiliar with the story, it's the memoirs of the author, reflecting back to his childhood being raised by a single mom and her many boyfriends, to finding himself working in a homeless shelter in Boston where he encounters the one ghost he can never seem to get rid of, his father.

Jonathan Flynn on his own is a character to remember, along the lines of Willy Loman, a man lost within his own ego. He is a man, a husband, a father, a thief, a conman, and most importantly because he will remind you, the next great American novelist.

Now I'm not writing this to give you a review or tell you the story, for that just read the book yourself or for those who want is quicker just watch the movie (HBO go). I'm writing this because when I read the book I felt like I knew Nick, because I could relate with him.  Lost, unsure, insecure and wondering about those around me, going back and forth with ideas, working odd jobs until finally I had my break down and picked myself up again. That it's true you can't choose blood relations, and we in the end become a slight reflection of our parents like it or not. How self hatred is very real and the way you deal with it is reflected consequences of your actions. By the time I put this book down I saw the world differently, I felt a dry emotion and all I could think was I need to finish something. I don't want to end up spending a lifetime talking about ideas and never completing any of them.

Jonathan Flynn (in the film, can't remember if it's in book) says "Life is gathering material", that is so fucking true. How many moments do we share with people we know and don't know? What about the stories of times before us, the ones that led to our own existences? Those are the stories that make us interesting and unique. It's easy to think our lives are meaningless and boring, and you know what sometimes they are. It's the cold honest truth. Anyone who can say their life is perfect or that I am wrong is lying right to your damn face. But that boringness, that insignificance you feel has character, its the material that pushes some of us to create, or work, or do things. Happiness can do that too. Emotions are raw, you just have to know how to cook them.

life is gathering material....

I'm glad that I found this book, it came to me at the perfect time. It was a downer to read at times, but it reminded me of the human spirit and the story it has to tell.

So with this, I go back to working on the story I want to share with you all...

Tonight You're Mine

Last night was one of those nights where I caught myself feeling down and just plain bored. Sure I was exhausted, who wouldn't be especially after spending all day at work, followed by school, where without a red bull by my side I definitely took a 10 min power nap during presentations. It also didn't help we in a new room now with no windows!!! I feel like its a crime to be in the middle of a beautiful city and have no view of it.

ANYWAYS before I lose my thought...

So yea, I found myself home and I thought about getting into my project but then I was like what the fuck? I have a netflix account and I rarely use it, so I decided to go through it. Surprisingly they have taken away a lot of movies I wish I took the time to see, but glad they added a bunch of classics from my film school days that would make for interesting movie nights (I mean I would love to see my friends reaction to Birth of a Nation, even if we only watch like 30min of it). Now I don't know why (Wait i do because face it I can be a big sap -.-") but I found myself in the romance section and came across a flick called Tonight You're Mine.

 I remember seeing the trailer a few years ago so I was like why not?

The premise is simple it takes place at T in the Park, a music festival in Scotland. Two bands bump into each other as they get to the festival only for their respected leads to get into a minor altercation where they end up handcuffed to each other. Can you imagine getting into an argument with someone and ending up being attached to them without the key? 80 minutes are dedicated to watching how these 2 interact not only with each other, but with their significant others, band mates and of course the star of the show the festival itself.

Why is the festival the star?

I always say this, music can bring anything together. It has that type of power. I believe its the music and background that save this movie and what made me enjoy it. It's the idea of being at a place where everyone who is there with you is there for the same reason, to get lost in a world of music and clarity. There are scenes where some of the characters each face a moment of clarity, and even if they don't say it, you know it by their actions.  And that's where I realized, sure the dialogue could have been bit cleaner, but you don't really need to hear them speak. You know what they are thinking by how they look and move with one another. These 2 are handcuffed to each other and have to figure out a way to get along and use the music to guide them to where they realize its love. And I'm not talking about falling in love with each other, I'm talking about falling in love with music. And that's where the connection is made. That's what saved this movie and that's what made me enjoy it.

I've added to my bucket list to make it to Scotland one day for this festival. In fact I was just saying the other day I need to go see a live show, because nothing heals my soul like being in a room hearing and feeling the music, and making those connections with people.

Tonight You're Mine (known in Europe as You Instead) you got 4 stars on netflix from me, cause you definitely claimed me last night.

click here to see the trailer on youtube