Gathering Material

“Writers, especially poets, are particularly prone to madness. There exists a striking association between creativity and manic depression. Why are more creative people prone to madness? They have more than average amounts of energies and abilities to see things in a fresh and original way—then because they also have depression, I think they’re more in touch with human suffering.” -Nick Flynn


 A few months ago I found an old book from my undergrad days. "Another Bullshit Night in Suck City" by Nick Flynn. At 18, a title like that obviously caught my eye, but unfortunately my attention span only lasted to the chapter I was mandated to read by my professor. It took me almost 10 years to come back to it and maybe thats how it was supposed to be. I don't think 18 year old me would of appreciated it as much, as I do now as an adult. 18 year old me didn't care about much unless it involved going out and sitting outside doing nothing. And now tonight I managed to find a copy of the movie version "Being Flynn", starring Robert DeNiro and Paul Dano (I didn't know there was a movie til way after I finished reading it).

For those unfamiliar with the story, it's the memoirs of the author, reflecting back to his childhood being raised by a single mom and her many boyfriends, to finding himself working in a homeless shelter in Boston where he encounters the one ghost he can never seem to get rid of, his father.

Jonathan Flynn on his own is a character to remember, along the lines of Willy Loman, a man lost within his own ego. He is a man, a husband, a father, a thief, a conman, and most importantly because he will remind you, the next great American novelist.

Now I'm not writing this to give you a review or tell you the story, for that just read the book yourself or for those who want is quicker just watch the movie (HBO go). I'm writing this because when I read the book I felt like I knew Nick, because I could relate with him.  Lost, unsure, insecure and wondering about those around me, going back and forth with ideas, working odd jobs until finally I had my break down and picked myself up again. That it's true you can't choose blood relations, and we in the end become a slight reflection of our parents like it or not. How self hatred is very real and the way you deal with it is reflected consequences of your actions. By the time I put this book down I saw the world differently, I felt a dry emotion and all I could think was I need to finish something. I don't want to end up spending a lifetime talking about ideas and never completing any of them.

Jonathan Flynn (in the film, can't remember if it's in book) says "Life is gathering material", that is so fucking true. How many moments do we share with people we know and don't know? What about the stories of times before us, the ones that led to our own existences? Those are the stories that make us interesting and unique. It's easy to think our lives are meaningless and boring, and you know what sometimes they are. It's the cold honest truth. Anyone who can say their life is perfect or that I am wrong is lying right to your damn face. But that boringness, that insignificance you feel has character, its the material that pushes some of us to create, or work, or do things. Happiness can do that too. Emotions are raw, you just have to know how to cook them.

life is gathering material....

I'm glad that I found this book, it came to me at the perfect time. It was a downer to read at times, but it reminded me of the human spirit and the story it has to tell.

So with this, I go back to working on the story I want to share with you all...