Citizen Erased

Imagine you've gone missing. Who would look for you? Who would notice you been gone? How long would it take to figure it out? How long til the search becomes tedious and the party gives up?

A friend of mine once had a dream that our friends were all together prepping for my mass. I was missing and it seemed to them that I was dead and gone. A few nights before I dreamed i was stabbed and left to die. My final breaths i saw my friends looking but i couldnt scream or cry out to them. My voice was gone.

Now lets get back to missing. Are you dead? Are surviving? What wills you to keep going? Determined to rise from the grave given to you.

Me? Just the idea of attending my own wake. Think about it a room filled with people wearing black, crying, probably a hater or two who can care less about my status. All of them focused, not seeing the small framed figure walking through the door. Mousy reddish brown hair, dirty tanned skin, and ripped disheveled clothes. Black bottomed feet stride slowly through the room as row by row people gasp in fear and surprise. Make it to the front where someone stands.

"Who died?" the figure will say.

"You did" the answer.

Open the casket its empty. Turn around look at everyone. A slight smirk on your face appears. And the rest is just left to imagine. For a moment you were erased, now what to do from there?

Maps

Every time I hear this song, or its mentioned to me I think about the first time I heard it years ago. I saw the video on MTV, and didn't think much of it until one day I really heard it. Im talking about I looked up lyrics and everything and just had to know this song inside and out. I had it completly known, every word, and sound. The song became a part of me. When it was released on rock band it officially became my jam. I love how people tell me they hear that song and it reminds them of me. I feel like it works. Yea...its my song.


"Made off..don't stray....my kind is your kind...I'll stay the same..."



This post is dedicated to my "nephew" Jonathan...who always reminds me how amazing this song is. <3

it rises as the sun

She watches the sun come up...thinking of the person she is. Spent most of the day drinking yet felt no affect. No tiredness or fatigue. Watching those around her as they war with each other. Tension building as she only stares no words out of her mouth. She thinks of what she's holding down...for what cause? Is it the cure for her loneliness? Or desperation to have the extended family she wished she had? Stupidity is the word in her mind but she also is one who knows too much for her own good. One who was taught lessons she did not ask for and now feels a weight on her shoulders that she wishes she can throw off. But then what is she left with? Its all she knows and like a glass shattering on the floor she runs chasing a victim to release frustration on. Snapping, swinging nothing makes sense. She knows what the consequence will be if she let's it all go. To face a side of her hidden inside ready to rise as the sun in the morning sky.

Sacrifices

Last night on Gossip Girl I once again witnessed Chuck Bass give up his happiness for Blair. Once again becua in seaosn2 he did the same....
Chuck lets Blair go


So i guess it teaches that we have to make sacrifices for others to be happy even at the sake of our own. If its meant to be it'll come back, if not then something else will come along.

Phase 1

I can write the greatest thing ever written but it wouldn't matter. Cause at the end of the day it was only important to me and no one else....does that still mean it matters? Cause its important to me.

Emo? No..maybe its truth.

People will confront you with pitiful matters only to make you feel bad for decisions you have made in your past. But what's past is prologue and if you are aware of it why be upset? The decision was made by you and only you.

Be weary of what of you do but when you stand for something or make a decision on something know what it is and allow it to happen. Don't let others question you cause if you begin to question yourself does it remain truth or become a lie?

Lying is an easy way out. No one likes facing the truth.

So think of it as a challenge. Think of past decisions. Do you regret any? Think about why you regret it, could be someone put that seed in your mind. Cause when it happened you sure as hell went along with it for a reason.

Fate? perhaps...but that's for a different post.

In the end its true what Lucille Ball said "I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done."  So on that note..just live your life to the fullest. I know I am. I got a plan set in motion, its only phase one baby and its only gon get better from here. 

a word from our sponsers

its been a while. my bad. things are just not where i want them to be so just think of this as a commerical break.

Monster

This video obviously has been out for a minute. If you haven't seen it you missing out. I don't know why but it makes me smile.