Good Bye February

A month of only 28 days. But damn I feel like so much happened. Now that March is right there I hope it brings Spring time. I also hope I hear from a job.

Today I was cleaning my living room. I had to clean my moms Saint statue. For some reason I wiped clean her face and then stared at it. I have never touched her face before, mostly out of fear or being yelled at by my mother. But I was home alone and gently touched her face as if she would respond. In my mind I could picture her coming to life and it scared me. I use to have those thoughts as a kid, but it has been a while. For a brief moment I forgot I had my music on and all my thoughts was on her. I began to think of my existence and wonder if she does hold a piece of why I'm still here.

My name defined means "foreign or strange" with the same root as Barbarian. The Greeks used it as a way to identify those who were not natives. Saint wise though Saint Barbara was a martyr. Killed by her father because she didnt believe the same as him. After beheading her, legend has it lighting struck him and killed him. Afterwards she became the patron saint of artillerymen and anyone who works with explosives. Her spirit is made present by thunder and lightning. It is said she protects those from the dangers of sudden and violent death. She also connects to Chango, her male Orisha form, whose patronage is the same.

I don't know why this came to me, or why I thought about it. But lately my beliefs feel challenged. Maybe I just needed her to look at me and remind me I'm not alone. That no matter what I have someone or something backing me up.  And for that tonight I'm going to pray.

Its March already.