2013
10....
If i learned anything this year its that getting close to people only leaves more confusion and pain. Theres a thrill of getting to know someone and being able to build a connection but it ends the same...they leave and you back on your own feeling sad. You decide to make positive changes to your life but that feeling is still there.
9.....
The sadness leads to thoughts of what do you really have to offer? A pretty face and a laugh dont make anyone want to stay. Then you realize your own body has been failing you and you sit a doctors office tubes of your blood telling them nothing except to just wait and see.
8.....
People will always have expectations from you, how you meet them is on you. There was always a plan and then you get a result that tells you everything you needed to know. Whoever you grew up to become isn't allowed to happen again.
7....
You can train a wild animal and domesticate it but its always going to have its wild instincts come out.
6.....
A great opportunity presented itself and it helped you grow. You finally feel a connection to civilization and a sense of normalcy where people don't want to hurt you. But you realize you know one day you're going to hurt them, because that wild animal is deep inside of you.
5....
You know one day you're going to have to share the bad news with someone who wants to get close to you, but if you can't even tell your own family how can you tell anyone else? You decide to hold it in and make a tough decsion.
4....
You begin to start making changes and its seen by others. You're told compliments and for once feel like a part of something.
3.....
You feel happy, and the sadness that plagued you is gone and for the first time theres a chance where you can share your big secret.
2....
In that moment a weight is lifted off as you hug those that have taken you in despite your flaws and you can just cry out that fear away. All the anger is gone and you now have things to be proud of.
1.....
I guess 2013 wasn't that bad, but there's still so much left to go before I can say I'm ready to be around people. Being let down by someone whom you thought you can count on is difficult to come to terms with, but in losing one person I gained a few more who have shown me they are willing to stay. Hopefully one day I'll have to courage to share with my family the truth but for now I have my friends and I'm doing really well.
2014...you're just another year to me but I can look at you and smile and say this time Ima be ok.
