do Ya thing

on Friday I found out that I've been accepted into the Hunter College School of Education. I'm going to grad school so i guess that means things gotta change. Gonna have to clean up my act and get ready to focus. Am i scared? of course i am, but i know ima be alright.

This summer will be my requiem...kicking off with visiting my family in Cuba, Cancun and all in between I have only good things to look forward too.

 Now enjoy some Gorillaz-DoYaThing feat Andre 3000

darkness

disclaimer: I'd feel better if people don't approach me on this...this is more for me to clear my head type thing. and for the record I'm doing fine.

last night:

I fell asleep earlier than usual. I was tired and my left shoulder was hurting (a pain I have been feeling for weeks I really need a massage).  In what I thought was an entire night of sleep I entered a dream state that lasted 20 minutes, what I saw still has me thinking. I saw myself sleeping in my bed, I heard laughter and people talking but no clue to who they are. I felt cold so I see myself trying to reach for my quilt and wrapping myself in it. All of a sudden I don't see me anymore, I now am aware that I am the one sleeping  and then I felt it. A presence pushing against me, and on my bed. I open my eyes and see face to face a black shadow over me grabbing me and suffocating me. I think it spoke. I tried to fight it off but its smokey type hand covered my mouth as I screamed for help. Finally I forced myself awake and jumped up.

I realize I've only been asleep for 20minutes. and I'm scared because I felt it and felt real. I look in my small cubicle of a room and jump again thinking its there. but its my mind playing tricks. wtf was that about?

Does everyone has a dark side to them? was that what it was? Those who know me well know that I'm usually not the nicest person. I'm quick to jump into a fight and have done things I don't feel great about. Since I was a child I always saw things that no one else would see. People would just assume I'm crazy and maybe I am. But aren't we all a little crazy?

Was that my darkness? Was that the bad coming back for me?

I always questioned since young what it means to be good. Who has the right to say you're good? I work with kids who act out and instead of saying they bad I just say what it is, they act out. Was that what I was doing when i was younger? Was I acting out? Looking for something?

Its been almost 2 months I haven't had a incident. Haven't struck out at a person or gotten into a fight. My incidents have been really messed up and I spend days afterward trying to forget it and stuck in a pool of guilt. My anger gets the best of me and I always end up doing something stupid, but lately I just don't feel mad anymore. I'm calm.

But now it brings up there is always a calm before the storm......and what if the dream, the shadow is telling me that?