She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
January 29, 2012
Had this stuck in my head
She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
January 23, 2012
Designated Driver
"We all like to think that we're in the driver's seat of our own lives. But the truth is, the idea that we can control our fate is an illusion. You can choose the most loyal friends, the dream job, the truest love. But at the end of the day, our fate is decided for us. All we can do is hope we have the strength to cope with the hand she deals us."- G.G.
Is our fate already decided? Is the universe mapped out? Has it always been like that?
Since the summer its been a thought of whether fate is real. In fact I think I've been thinking about it since well always. This time last year I was unemployed, confused, and had no idea of the situation that was going to occur. That one moment my faith and trust in people just went away. It also led me on some downward spiral where I thought I had someone that I could genuinely care for cause they had my back. Yea no one really has anyone's back.
I wonder if I had to get my stuff stolen, to put me on a path to figure out I couldn't just sit on my ass and drink off the fact that my dream job wasn't working out. That trying to start my own company wasn't exactly what I needed at the time. I ended up getting calls to substitue and by July I was offered a full time position.
I love the faces I get when people hear I'm a teacher. Most people are surprised I'm trusted with children or have the patience. I guess my personality is to blame. But the fact that I'm here makes me question if fate has a role to play in all this. Did I have to go through days of rejection and disappointment to land here?
I guess I'm dealing with it now. I still haven't started my app for school, maybe I can't accept that I'm on a path to be a teacher. That I sit and stare at the 1 page of my screenplay and just ended up deleted it cause due to fate and what I was writing about I don't know if that's that story I want to tell. It depresses me so now I don't know if I should go along for the ride or become the designated driver and take over the wheel. I think fate is too drunk to take over things for me. I thought fate had my back and now I see him with someone else and have to hear his excuses on how it just happened (really adults shouldn't be saying it just happened to explain things smh).
So fate I think I'm going to challenge you. Yes I will work on my school app and I think I'm going back into my celtx files and get back on "Porcelain". And see which road fate is going to take me on. Of course I wont let it fully take over I think I just need that extra driver for the times I need to rest my eyes for a while. In the meantime I need to figure out how to get out of this traffic jam I'm in right now.
Is our fate already decided? Is the universe mapped out? Has it always been like that?
Since the summer its been a thought of whether fate is real. In fact I think I've been thinking about it since well always. This time last year I was unemployed, confused, and had no idea of the situation that was going to occur. That one moment my faith and trust in people just went away. It also led me on some downward spiral where I thought I had someone that I could genuinely care for cause they had my back. Yea no one really has anyone's back.
I wonder if I had to get my stuff stolen, to put me on a path to figure out I couldn't just sit on my ass and drink off the fact that my dream job wasn't working out. That trying to start my own company wasn't exactly what I needed at the time. I ended up getting calls to substitue and by July I was offered a full time position.
I love the faces I get when people hear I'm a teacher. Most people are surprised I'm trusted with children or have the patience. I guess my personality is to blame. But the fact that I'm here makes me question if fate has a role to play in all this. Did I have to go through days of rejection and disappointment to land here?
I guess I'm dealing with it now. I still haven't started my app for school, maybe I can't accept that I'm on a path to be a teacher. That I sit and stare at the 1 page of my screenplay and just ended up deleted it cause due to fate and what I was writing about I don't know if that's that story I want to tell. It depresses me so now I don't know if I should go along for the ride or become the designated driver and take over the wheel. I think fate is too drunk to take over things for me. I thought fate had my back and now I see him with someone else and have to hear his excuses on how it just happened (really adults shouldn't be saying it just happened to explain things smh).
So fate I think I'm going to challenge you. Yes I will work on my school app and I think I'm going back into my celtx files and get back on "Porcelain". And see which road fate is going to take me on. Of course I wont let it fully take over I think I just need that extra driver for the times I need to rest my eyes for a while. In the meantime I need to figure out how to get out of this traffic jam I'm in right now.
January 20, 2012
25
Out of all the birthdays I've lived through I feel this is the one true milestone. I didnt care for the attention I'd get on my birthdays, I never was the one getting balloons or having surprises done (not really a fan of them). I don't get a midnight phone call from a best friend or from anyone or have my mom come to my room to wish me a Happy Birthday cause I know it'll be the first thing shes gonna say in the morning. I think it only had to be special to me, only I could make this day really mean something, cause its the day I was allowed to be in this world. Allowed because I almost didn't make it but my mom fought and held through so I can be here.
Not even those important ages felt that special at 18 the first thing I did was legally buy a pack of cigs so i didn't have to constantly bum or ask people to buy em for me, and by 21 it didn't matter that I could legally buy my liquor, cause by that time I spoiled that fun by doing it way before that. In fact at 21 I was more excited for a football game then actually going out. Don't get me started about going out and partying did that too that by the time I was 20 I realized I wasn't into club scenes that much.
And just like that folks I became 25 at the stroke of midnight, and I reached that milestone. I've been on this Earth for a quarter of a century and in that time so much has happened I cant even begin to explain. But its a remidner of two things, the first being mentioned above, the second that I have a lot of thigs to get in motion. Questions that I can't keep stalling on. Im a pro at procrastination but now my eyes are opening to what really needs to be done.
Im not gonna make a list of goals that must be fulfilled immediately, but now I gotta think what moves I gotta make to move out of my mothers house? Do I want to go back to school and get my masters? Is film an option for me as a career to pursue or will it become a hobby? All these thoughts plague my mind, plus other issues that eventually one day will become resolved.
I'm ready this year to maintain those that have always stood by my side, and make those friendships stronger and better than before. This year if its the last I want to ride out with them til the end.
And lastly there's something about birthdays where you hear from people you haven't spoken to or seen, thanks to facebook, so to everyone wishing me a happy birthday thank you.And with that ima leave ya with Ceremony by New Order..my birthday anthem since I became 21...
Not even those important ages felt that special at 18 the first thing I did was legally buy a pack of cigs so i didn't have to constantly bum or ask people to buy em for me, and by 21 it didn't matter that I could legally buy my liquor, cause by that time I spoiled that fun by doing it way before that. In fact at 21 I was more excited for a football game then actually going out. Don't get me started about going out and partying did that too that by the time I was 20 I realized I wasn't into club scenes that much.
And just like that folks I became 25 at the stroke of midnight, and I reached that milestone. I've been on this Earth for a quarter of a century and in that time so much has happened I cant even begin to explain. But its a remidner of two things, the first being mentioned above, the second that I have a lot of thigs to get in motion. Questions that I can't keep stalling on. Im a pro at procrastination but now my eyes are opening to what really needs to be done.
Im not gonna make a list of goals that must be fulfilled immediately, but now I gotta think what moves I gotta make to move out of my mothers house? Do I want to go back to school and get my masters? Is film an option for me as a career to pursue or will it become a hobby? All these thoughts plague my mind, plus other issues that eventually one day will become resolved.
I'm ready this year to maintain those that have always stood by my side, and make those friendships stronger and better than before. This year if its the last I want to ride out with them til the end.
And lastly there's something about birthdays where you hear from people you haven't spoken to or seen, thanks to facebook, so to everyone wishing me a happy birthday thank you.And with that ima leave ya with Ceremony by New Order..my birthday anthem since I became 21...
January 11, 2012
The Beautiful People
Is it the fake smiles and plastic surgerys? or the hypocrisy of turning your back to those who really care?
"I learned the truth at 17, that love was made for beauty queens and dreams were all that was free for ugly duckling girls like me"
NOOOO. Dreams are for everyone who allows them self to dream.
The popular chick with the asshole boyfriend who treats her like shyt believes she is privileged to be one of the beautiful people. But shes just as ugly as she allows herself to be abused.
The celebrities we follow who think they got it all, they all have regular lives. Jay Z just stated Beyonce has once suffered a miscarriage. Happens everyday to regulars. Omg i just said REGULARS!! nooo what the fuck??? everyone is people!!!! no different.
Who are the beautiful people?????
Why do they make me look in the mirror and feel ugly and round. Why do i wish i can break the mirror as i look into it?
Why is life so superficial? Why must we be so fake with another? Why cant we all just get along without comparing who has and looks like what.
I need to stop asking questions and just admit we made the beautiful people. We made these standards and now we pay for it. We pay for it by not accepting who we are, who others are and going along with the norms.
I refuse to starve myself, let me eat cake dammit. Let me be me.
January 6, 2012
preview and tix
https://www.vendini.com/ticket-software.html?e=e13bb81688cdeeb97101fcfeb19ad85b&t=tix
Once again being a pain but my high school Alumni concert is tomm. And the link above is to buy tix. They are $15.
And a preview is a link to one of the performers Nilsa, who I had the pleasure of attending high school with, and shes awesome so check out her facebook page become a fan and look out cause her EP is coming out soon.
https://www.facebook.com/nilsamusic
Once again being a pain but my high school Alumni concert is tomm. And the link above is to buy tix. They are $15.
And a preview is a link to one of the performers Nilsa, who I had the pleasure of attending high school with, and shes awesome so check out her facebook page become a fan and look out cause her EP is coming out soon.
https://www.facebook.com/nilsamusic
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