March 25, 2011
Monster
This video obviously has been out for a minute. If you haven't seen it you missing out. I don't know why but it makes me smile.
March 23, 2011
Imagine
March 21, 2011
letter
To Whom it May Concern:
In fact let me rephrase that...my life is not of your concern. In fact this message is to clarify that what I do or have done is not your problem. So whatever "exposure" or issue that I have done in my life is MY problem. Its not a topic to discuss or a matter to bring up. And if you choose to bring it up do me a favor and clarify what it was that I did that gave you a need to talk. I say that because bringing up a topic and just saying never mind makes you a coward...point blank. Another thing if you have a complaint and wanna take it up with me, do it to my face. Cause at the end of the day one of those people you have shared with will have balls and approach me making it clear that there are still real people in this world, and that what goes around comes around. So long story short, wanna talk out of your ass bet go ahead, but remember walls have ears and it will get to me and take note there are people who have tried to take me down....do me a solid go look for them now.
I live my life for me, and do what I can to enjoy it. If that bothers you then you need to see whats up in your life and work on that.
Thank you
-B. Sawyer
In fact let me rephrase that...my life is not of your concern. In fact this message is to clarify that what I do or have done is not your problem. So whatever "exposure" or issue that I have done in my life is MY problem. Its not a topic to discuss or a matter to bring up. And if you choose to bring it up do me a favor and clarify what it was that I did that gave you a need to talk. I say that because bringing up a topic and just saying never mind makes you a coward...point blank. Another thing if you have a complaint and wanna take it up with me, do it to my face. Cause at the end of the day one of those people you have shared with will have balls and approach me making it clear that there are still real people in this world, and that what goes around comes around. So long story short, wanna talk out of your ass bet go ahead, but remember walls have ears and it will get to me and take note there are people who have tried to take me down....do me a solid go look for them now.
I live my life for me, and do what I can to enjoy it. If that bothers you then you need to see whats up in your life and work on that.
Thank you
-B. Sawyer
March 16, 2011
My Terms
One night I had a dream, that my eye bracelet fell to pieces. Tried to put it back together but couldn't.
Woke up scared and unsure.
That's when it started.
My bracelet is still whole but I've been sick since.
(meaning: To see a broken bracelet in your dream, suggests that you tend to sacrifice your own comfort and happiness for others.)
That day I found an old photo of who I use to be.
All I wanted was one nice photo..and he wanted to make a gesture. ::SNAP:: the pic was taken with me trying to stop him. People said it summed us up and it was cute. I actually didn't like it much but kept it anyways.
By the time the last pic of us was taken all that could be seen was contempt in my eyes and distance in his.
The person in the pic with me was once an everyday habit, now its just a far away memory.
Tears came to my eyes, cause an ounce felt like I missed it, then I said no more tears and put the picture back where I found it.
Moving on was probably the smartest thing I could of ever done. For the first time I made a decision on my own terms, without putting someone else before me. Without thinking if that person is happy or not. Making sure I was taken cared of first....and it felt great.
Does that make me selfish? Or do I get a pass cause I was so selfless. Allowing myself to wait at train stations for an hour on cold winter nights making excuses for him, or having him leave me behind and say its ok I took too long anyways. Just thinking about it makes me sick.
Back to the dream, maybe that's what it was for to remind me of who I was, and still is but now I'm just running things on my terms.
Woke up scared and unsure.
That's when it started.
My bracelet is still whole but I've been sick since.
(meaning: To see a broken bracelet in your dream, suggests that you tend to sacrifice your own comfort and happiness for others.)
That day I found an old photo of who I use to be.
All I wanted was one nice photo..and he wanted to make a gesture. ::SNAP:: the pic was taken with me trying to stop him. People said it summed us up and it was cute. I actually didn't like it much but kept it anyways.
By the time the last pic of us was taken all that could be seen was contempt in my eyes and distance in his.
The person in the pic with me was once an everyday habit, now its just a far away memory.
Tears came to my eyes, cause an ounce felt like I missed it, then I said no more tears and put the picture back where I found it.
Moving on was probably the smartest thing I could of ever done. For the first time I made a decision on my own terms, without putting someone else before me. Without thinking if that person is happy or not. Making sure I was taken cared of first....and it felt great.
Does that make me selfish? Or do I get a pass cause I was so selfless. Allowing myself to wait at train stations for an hour on cold winter nights making excuses for him, or having him leave me behind and say its ok I took too long anyways. Just thinking about it makes me sick.
Back to the dream, maybe that's what it was for to remind me of who I was, and still is but now I'm just running things on my terms.
March 11, 2011
Fascination Street
"But if you open your mouth
Then I can't be responsible
For quite what goes in
Or to care what comes out"- Facsination Street by The Cure
listen to the song here.
So I heard through the grapevine on the corner of Fascination Street. The talks of so and so with you know doing you know what in a room at this girls party. The sounds of whispers lurking through shadows.
Walk to the store make sure you look over your shoulders,make sure you make it there cause one wrong turn you get accused of some sort of mischief.
Bathroom walls filled with the talks of everyone, the safest place one can go to share their mind and thinks its gon be flushed away. But don't abuse it cause one too many times the wrong ear catches it and you become headline news. Or the victim of a slap to the face for sharing your mind.
On Fascination Street its cared by over weight women on beach chairs sippin on juice talking of nonsense of not only their own but of an island they left behind. The blabbers of fights and scandals of who's having who's baby. They never get up unless the bochinche is worth it, cause once a good story unfolds in front of them you would think their asses was covered in butter to help em get out of them chairs so quickly.
Simple put on fascination street you nobody til you talked about. No one is safe...cause if you talk lord knows theirs talk about you.
::i have a feeling ima return to this soon but for now comments appreciated::
Then I can't be responsible
For quite what goes in
Or to care what comes out"- Facsination Street by The Cure
listen to the song here.
So I heard through the grapevine on the corner of Fascination Street. The talks of so and so with you know doing you know what in a room at this girls party. The sounds of whispers lurking through shadows.
Walk to the store make sure you look over your shoulders,make sure you make it there cause one wrong turn you get accused of some sort of mischief.
Bathroom walls filled with the talks of everyone, the safest place one can go to share their mind and thinks its gon be flushed away. But don't abuse it cause one too many times the wrong ear catches it and you become headline news. Or the victim of a slap to the face for sharing your mind.
On Fascination Street its cared by over weight women on beach chairs sippin on juice talking of nonsense of not only their own but of an island they left behind. The blabbers of fights and scandals of who's having who's baby. They never get up unless the bochinche is worth it, cause once a good story unfolds in front of them you would think their asses was covered in butter to help em get out of them chairs so quickly.
Simple put on fascination street you nobody til you talked about. No one is safe...cause if you talk lord knows theirs talk about you.
::i have a feeling ima return to this soon but for now comments appreciated::
March 9, 2011
Bed
bed you complete me.
bed you are all i need.
For when I'm happy and can jump on you.
For when I'm sad I can shed my tears on you.
For when I'm angry you give me pillows to hit.
And for those cold nights you allow me to wrap myself in your sheets.
oh bed the comfort you provide, I must admit its true.
Bed I'm in love with you.
bed you are all i need.
For when I'm happy and can jump on you.
For when I'm sad I can shed my tears on you.
For when I'm angry you give me pillows to hit.
And for those cold nights you allow me to wrap myself in your sheets.
oh bed the comfort you provide, I must admit its true.
Bed I'm in love with you.
March 4, 2011
Charlie Sheen
And I wonder where the world would be if all men claimed they had tiger's blood and Adonis DNA in their systems? ::cringe::
So I watched the infamous interview, and wow I'm not surprised. I am going to give him credit because he gives out no names. Now a days its hard to find anyone who can keep their damn mouth shut. I honestly hope he lives on to old age, cause everyone is expecting his death soon so lets give the world a shocker and reach 90.
Not much to say today, I've been trying to process my thoughts since the other day. I received a package in the mail and inside was my stolen credit cards, my id card and pictures that were in my wallet. Some say I'm lucky, but I find it strange. Here I was sitting my room staring at these cards not sure what to think. My mother believes they dumped it or just left it at a post office to be sent back. But what if its a sign of something to come? Like an omen. And I'm not going to say its bad it can be good too, but right now its left me wondering why that night had to happen. It started off a mess and leaving me curiouser and curiouser on what is going to happen to me.
My thoughts then drift off on another subject but those are ones not to be shared.
So I watched the infamous interview, and wow I'm not surprised. I am going to give him credit because he gives out no names. Now a days its hard to find anyone who can keep their damn mouth shut. I honestly hope he lives on to old age, cause everyone is expecting his death soon so lets give the world a shocker and reach 90.
Not much to say today, I've been trying to process my thoughts since the other day. I received a package in the mail and inside was my stolen credit cards, my id card and pictures that were in my wallet. Some say I'm lucky, but I find it strange. Here I was sitting my room staring at these cards not sure what to think. My mother believes they dumped it or just left it at a post office to be sent back. But what if its a sign of something to come? Like an omen. And I'm not going to say its bad it can be good too, but right now its left me wondering why that night had to happen. It started off a mess and leaving me curiouser and curiouser on what is going to happen to me.
My thoughts then drift off on another subject but those are ones not to be shared.
March 1, 2011
Good Bye February
A month of only 28 days. But damn I feel like so much happened. Now that March is right there I hope it brings Spring time. I also hope I hear from a job.
Today I was cleaning my living room. I had to clean my moms Saint statue. For some reason I wiped clean her face and then stared at it. I have never touched her face before, mostly out of fear or being yelled at by my mother. But I was home alone and gently touched her face as if she would respond. In my mind I could picture her coming to life and it scared me. I use to have those thoughts as a kid, but it has been a while. For a brief moment I forgot I had my music on and all my thoughts was on her. I began to think of my existence and wonder if she does hold a piece of why I'm still here.
My name defined means "foreign or strange" with the same root as Barbarian. The Greeks used it as a way to identify those who were not natives. Saint wise though Saint Barbara was a martyr. Killed by her father because she didnt believe the same as him. After beheading her, legend has it lighting struck him and killed him. Afterwards she became the patron saint of artillerymen and anyone who works with explosives. Her spirit is made present by thunder and lightning. It is said she protects those from the dangers of sudden and violent death. She also connects to Chango, her male Orisha form, whose patronage is the same.
I don't know why this came to me, or why I thought about it. But lately my beliefs feel challenged. Maybe I just needed her to look at me and remind me I'm not alone. That no matter what I have someone or something backing me up. And for that tonight I'm going to pray.
Its March already.
Today I was cleaning my living room. I had to clean my moms Saint statue. For some reason I wiped clean her face and then stared at it. I have never touched her face before, mostly out of fear or being yelled at by my mother. But I was home alone and gently touched her face as if she would respond. In my mind I could picture her coming to life and it scared me. I use to have those thoughts as a kid, but it has been a while. For a brief moment I forgot I had my music on and all my thoughts was on her. I began to think of my existence and wonder if she does hold a piece of why I'm still here.
My name defined means "foreign or strange" with the same root as Barbarian. The Greeks used it as a way to identify those who were not natives. Saint wise though Saint Barbara was a martyr. Killed by her father because she didnt believe the same as him. After beheading her, legend has it lighting struck him and killed him. Afterwards she became the patron saint of artillerymen and anyone who works with explosives. Her spirit is made present by thunder and lightning. It is said she protects those from the dangers of sudden and violent death. She also connects to Chango, her male Orisha form, whose patronage is the same.
I don't know why this came to me, or why I thought about it. But lately my beliefs feel challenged. Maybe I just needed her to look at me and remind me I'm not alone. That no matter what I have someone or something backing me up. And for that tonight I'm going to pray.
Its March already.
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